-reprinted from mywebtimes.com-

Dear fan sitting a few rows behind me endlessly screaming at officials during high school sporting events –Hey, how’s it going? Everything been OK? Good, good, glad to hear it. How’re the kids doing? Yeah, I saw he had a nice game last Friday. Oh, did she make the travel softball team? That’s great! Yeah, they’re both really nice players, and good kids. You must be proud.

Oh, hey, if it isn’t too much to ask, might you be able to do me a little favor? It’s no big thing, really. I was just wondering if it would be possible for you to … PLEASE SHUT UP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?!?!

I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to yell there. (Kind of annoying, isn’t it?) Well, forgive me, seriously. I really didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that I — and a few hundred other people — were trying to watch the game here, you know? And sometimes, and I don’t mean to speak for everybody here, but sometimes your screaming at every single call that doesn’t go your team’s way can be a little, well you know, distracting.

Yeah, I know officials at this level can be a bit inconsistent at times, and that can get a little frustrating. Why I remember one time during a little league game when an umpire told a friend of mine — he was coaching, by the way — that a groundball wasn’t in play because it hit the foul side of first base! Boy oh boy, was he fit to be tied! Of course he didn’t feel the need to scream quite as much as you, and he never got around to insulting the umpire in question with personal attacks, but I bet he was every bit as upset.

Now that I mention that, I was wondering if you could answer a question for me. Are you sure? I mean, I know you’ve got some more screaming to do after that charge call there. Just awful. Well, if you’re sure, here goes: Do you act like this in other facets of your life when things don’t go your way?

What I mean is, and this is just an example, but do you scream at the Sandwich Artist¨ at your favorite sub shop if the sandwich isn’t being put together exactly the way you like it? Do you ever lean over the sneeze guard and just let her have it, like, “C’mon! That’s ridiculous! There’s six cucumbers on one side of the sandwich and only two on the other side! How about evening it out a little? Those should be cucumbers on both ends of the sandwich, not just one! You’re horrible!”

No, of course you don’t. Silly question, really. It must just be the thrill of high school sporting events that brings it out in you and, of course, you want to make certain your child or grandchild is getting a fair shake.

Speaking of the kids out there on the court/mat/field, how do you think they feel about your screaming like a banshee at every single call? Boy, I bet they’re proud when all their teammates and friends get to watch your face turn red and that vein stick out … right … here … on your forehead as you belittle total strangers.

Wow, wouldn’t it be something if they turned to the officials and started laying into them just like you every time they disagreed with a call? Oh, sure, they’d get kicked out because it’s horrible sportsmanship and all, but I bet you’d be beaming with pride! That’s what we’re trying to teach these young people, after all, isn’t it? If things don’t go your way, yell and scream and threaten until they do. And if you still fall short of your goals, you can always blame it on those officials!

You know it’s weird, but in nine years of attending high school games and coaching youth baseball I can only think of two contests — yep, only two — in which I thought (and this was just my opinion) that an official purposefully made calls in favor of one team over the other. One was a basketball game earlier this year; the other a softball game years and years ago. Now I wouldn’t say I haven’t seen my fair share of bad calls in between, we all have, but where an official was actually as one-sided as you seem to be implying? Nope. And you see it every night? Strange, huh?

That’s the other thing that I was wondering … Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off there. Yeah, I bet that 50/50 drawing must’ve been rigged, you’re right. But anyway, do you really think EVERY SINGLE CALL against your team is a bad one? I mean, what are the odds of that?

Of all the calls made by all the officials who have worked your children’s games over all these years, what is the likelihood that every single one of them has been against your team? I mean, I know some fans who complain about a call here or there, or maybe groan when the whistle seems against them a time or two. But to call the officials out at the top of your lungs for every single thing they do or don’t do season after season after season … all I can say is, thank God you’re here to keep an eye on things.

Anywho, I’d better let you go. Halftime only lasts so long, and it sounds like you could use a few dozen bottled waters to keep that throat from drying out before the fourth quarter. We all know that’s when all the good yelling gets done!

Oh, and keep your eyes open. Believe it or not, it looks like there’s another fan just like you in the bleachers across the way. Seems like every team has one …

Hear you next game,

Everybody else at the game